Encouragement

As a Christian, I used to belong to a non-denominational gathering that was big on "encouragement."  Some folks there really understood what it meant and when to use it, and others had no idea and used something else they called encouragement that wasn't at all.  In this post, I will consider what I think encouragement is and when to use it.

Dictionary.com defines "encourage" in three ways:

1. to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence: His coach encouraged him throughout the marathon race to keep on running.
2. to stimulate by assistance, approval, etc.: One of the chief duties of a teacher is to encourage students.
3. to promote, advance, or foster: Poverty often encourages crime.

So then, to encourage someone is a positive thing.  Or that's what it should be.  Let me talk a little bit about what encouragement is NOT, and this is very important to the consideration.  Encouragement is NOT hostile confrontation.  In fact, the word "confront" does not occur in the New Testament in either the King James Version or any other modern translation that I checked.  (Side note:  There is a time and a place to confront an individual about an issue in their life.  It should not be hostile, and you shouldn't call it encouragement.  This would be better defined as "rebuke" or "exhort," both perfectly good English words that have recently fallen out of favour.)  Confrontation does occur in the Scriptures, however.  Jesus confronted demons, Pharisees and Saducees, politicians of the day, and  other naysayers all the time.  He never did this to a follower unless they were under some external influence (like when he said to Peter, "Get thee behind Me, Satan.")  With those who needed it, he was the master encourager.
 
An example from my past that may be relevent follows.  Many of you know I didn't have the easiest childhood or home life growing up.  Without laying blame, it would be fair to say that as I reached adulthood, I was not the most confident of people, and there were some people that could read that and exploited it for all it was worth for a period of time.  Over a number of years, I found my footing, and my confidence (in Christ), and got on with my life.  Last December, the company I worked for was bought by its main competitor and about 90 percent of us were laid off on December 6, 2010.  For about a week, I was tooling around trying to figure out what to do with my life.  I decided to take December off to figure it out, and basically avoid the rejection that goes with looking for a job.  When you grow up like I did, rejection is a big show stopper if you let it be.
 
In January, I spent about 1 week looking for work, and came across an opportunity to begin my own financial planning practice.  I met with the fellow that would become my Division Director at Investors Group, and he was encouraging.  He inspired confidence and boldness in me to a point.  However, there was a part of me that was still a scared little boy, still raw from all the hurt put on me by an abusive father.  During my childhood, I never heard phrases like, "I love you, son, and I'm proud of you."  It was more like, "Get up, you stupid little bastard!" after my dad had hit me hard enough to knock the sense out of me.  People say that doesn't leave scars.  I would like to inform those people that they are most definitely and decidedly wrong.
 
Towards the end of January, as I was putting some of the stuff I needed into place (like licensing) to begin my career in financial planning, I had this overwhelming desire to get back in touch with my father.  We hadn't spoken in 20 years.  I had to face this man who was my father, who I now understood wasn't really a monster, he was doing the best he could with what he knew.  I sent him an email, and we were talking on the phone within 5 minutes.  I got to say everything I needed to say - and my dad took responsibility for his acts and apologized!  I really wasn't expecting that, but you can imagine how I felt!
 
Later in the spring (late May I think), my dad came to visit me.  I told him what I was up to, and then he told me that he was proud of me, and that he had no doubt that I could do this, and even offered to get my uncle (a financial planner for 25 years or more) involved if I needed help.  Now THAT was ENCOURAGING.  That is to say, it inspired me with courage and boldness for my new chosen profession.
 
Contrast this to a brother who was attempting to "encourage" someone in their job search.  "Brother, I don't think you're looking hard enough for work.  I think you should be looking harder, and for any old job that will pay the bills.  After all, if a man doesn't work, he shouldn't eat."  So...was that what you would want to hear, just having graduated university, with enough funding to get you through a 6-month period and access to more if you needed it, and looking for about 6 solid hours a day by phone and by foot already?  I know it wasn't what I was ready to hear.  Interestingly, the statement that was made had the same resulting action.  I was motivated to get out there and look harder.  But by what?
 
Encouragement should inspire courage and action.  There is another source that can inspire to action - fear and/or guilt.  Now given the choice, which would you respond to with a better outlook?
 
Since my dad died about a month ago, I have made it one of my missions to try to be an encouraging man, as opposed to someone that inspires fear and guilt.  I'm not all the way there yet, but I have seen some improvements, especially in my kids' attitudes. 
 
Lord, help me be an encourager, with the right word at the right time to inspire courage and hope in their hearts.

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"You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free."
-John 8:32 (NASB)